Jerri Phillips

It isn't an easy day for her today, not because the calendar turns another year older but because this is the first birthday her dad did not give her a call first thing. He went to be with Jesus last fall, and today, the hole in her heart gapes big, and the tears fall hot. And today, I want to put my arms around her and hold her and somehow make it better, but really, there is nothing I can do but hand tissues...

...Except to honor the man who is gone by celebrating the daughter he left behind...

In counting the gift that is Rae...

901. She laughs deep, and it echoes...in rooms, in hearts.

902. Her door is open...to the homeless, to the hopeless, to anyone needing refuge.

903. There is always a cup of coffee

904. Whole body hugs...that hold on until you are okay to let go

905. Her words of honor and love for her husband

906. Her fierce devotion to friends

907. The odd things she finds funny...the same ones as me

908. If she has it and you need it, it's yours

909. The way she rolls with things

910. The mom she chose to be

Did I mention her laughter? :-)

911. Her phone that is on all hours, even when she is tired

912. Potato Salad

913. Learning to swim together at a lake in the country...I'd be terrified if my children did what we did

914. Faith talks

915. Her deep love, which hurts her now, but blesses those blessed to receive it.

The greatest gift is not in who she is...or what she has...but in how easily she gives herself away...

Happy Birthday, Rae! I love you!!!

"Friends are the people who, when you forget your heart song, sing it back to you so you can remember."

Or so some say.

My friends are more than that.

They are treasure keepers, and I am blessed to be treasured by them.

They do more than sing a song to me in hopes of jogging my memory when the roller coaster of life leaves me lightheaded. These people are not a bunch of high-heeled tea sippers happy to chat along while I pick up the lunch check. These are people who plaster pictures of me in my heart, mind, and soul when life pain and too big mountains leave me with identity loss. These are people who do not say, "Call me if you need me," but show up at my door and scream, "I know you're in there. Don't make me break this thing down to get to you." And...believe me...they would. They have.

I love them...and I am amazed at how much they love me.

And, "Thank you," will never touch my gratitude.

882. Friend of 20 odd years, unafraid of hard questions, still seeing amazing even when I've forgotten.

883. Understanding instant messages can provide enough cover to slowly be found

884. Patience when the bars keep dropping out down in the Hill Country

885. 4:00 am, "Are you sure you're okay? If not, we can talk some more."

886. A bottle of wine and talking like we were in college

887. Holding on when I can barely even stand up

888. "...wonderful...even now..."

889. The daily dose of laughter because it's good medicine.

890. Dunked Oreos

891. Freshly created songs sung not so on key

892. Calm in the midst of the chaos

893. Not being shocked

894. Follow-up calls the next day..."just to check on you"

895. Believing in the whole picture

896. An hour and a half of looking for Wifi that actually worked because some emails are really important

897. Long hugs

898. Road trip therapy

899. "It's about standing in your hair color."

900. Hummingbirds

I am not going to put up a brave facade today. Last week was a hard week. I spent it in deep pain, with a lot of questions, and on the mental and emotional edge. I never felt abandoned by God, but it is because He made Himself so obvious in people around me, and I am so grateful for those people who let Him speak through them--not only in words but in their lives that they live everyday.

I am grateful for...

862. A neighbor who would run into a burning home to save others.

863. A new friend who opened her home to an elderly couple with no place to go.

864. A small army of neighbors who stepped up to salvage pieces of lives, protect what was left, and rebuild what was lost.

865. the Man of my Dreams who made multiple trips to the grocery store to supply dinner for people who thought of everyone but themselves.

866. My friend Lisa, who cheered when I sent off another article to be considered by a "big publisher"

867. My friend Paula, who worked found submission information and helped me with a query letter to send off another article

868. Those who believe God is blessing others through me, which feels unimaginable at times.

869. Molly, the Heeler/terrier mix, that honored me by bringing me her ball to play a great game of fetch

870. Debra, Molly's "mom", who talked dogs, toys, and training. Camping folks are some of the friendliest anyway, and Debra certainly gives them a great name.

871. Sarah, a friend for a little boy trying to figure out how he fit into camping when "relaxing" does not include sitting around doing nothing

872. Grandma, who helped Anna try to get the fish in, and fought valiantly, until the line snapped. We lost the bait, hook, and bobber, but Anna got a memory and a smile that was worth it.

873. My brother, who is just cool

874. Sharilyn...for being more of a blessing than this writer has words to say.

875. Friends who sit around and hang out for a few hours talking, processing, deccompressing, and laughing. I didn't know how tense I was until I'd been around y'all a few hours, my muscles relaxed, and I ached all over. LOL!!!

876. The two most amazing children in the world.

877. Teenagers that make me excited about what their generation is going to accomplish. Jordan and Oakley, y'all rock!

878. Prayer team captains that bless, listen, and encourage. I have the best!

879. Prayer team members that ask the right questions and say the right things at the perfectly right time to let me know God is hearing, God is working, and God is not looking for a backup plan.

880. Shaleen, who drove over an hour and a half to help adopted "neighbors" when they were in need.

881. Bilal, the Man of my Dreams' trainer, who is not only a positive force during class, but calls to check in when Rob misses classes, is truly concerned for Rob's health, and is available to make help in any way possible to see our family be healthy. I don't know that he'll ever know how much that 15 minute conversation meant to me.

I am sure there are more that just have slipped my mind at this moment, and I might add them throughout the day...or week. Looking back over the last week, these are the people who have been healing balm to my heart, a hand to hold me up, and Jesus in front of my face. They are amazing people, and I thank God for every single one of them. I pray you have people like this in your life, too.

Ready to be stretched? This one will do it.

How the Kids and the Neighbor-Next-Door Might Really Become Christians? -- "And is that why there are fewer and fewer of genuine disciples? Because we who have Bread are indifferent hoarders, letting the masses die? Or because we're going around passing out cardboard, pseudo-Life, because the ugly truth is that we've never tasted of the Real Christ ourselves?"--Ann Voskamp

As some of you may remember, last year my daughter and I joined an amazing group of people to participate in Relay for Life. It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life.

This year we did not walk, but it was a great honor to give the welcome and invocation for the Survivor Dinner. I have no words to describe the feeling of standing in front of all those survivors and caregivers and looking at the sea of beautiful faces...except thank you for letting me part of your celebration. You are amazing heroes. Thank you.

Last year I was grateful for Relay for Life. I am no less so this year. In fact, maybe now I am even more thankful because now I understand better.


851. For the vessel(s) that started Relay for Life, thank you for having a vision as big as a cure.

852. For Wylie Women's League who did an amazing Survivor Dinner and works so hard to raise money and support the event

853. For the army of young volunteers--If anyone thinks the next generation is a bunch of lost and hopeless adolescents, you need to watch this group in action. Wow!

854. Donated food, prizes, and other supplies

855. Good weather

856. Stadiums all around the US that open their fields and grounds to Relay for Life so people can walk for a purpose.

857. Those who donate money, you are making a difference.

858. For a "cancer free" report for Kipp Gremillion, Rob's step-brother

859. Prayers, prayers, and more prayers

860. For those who keep on walking...
at Relay for Life...
in memory...
in honor...
with hope...
to the chemo treatments...
to sit in waiting rooms and patients' rooms...
to carry meals to those who need them...
because quitting isn't an option...
for a cure...

861. For a God who is the cure. Lord, release the knowledge to your vessels that cancer may be defeated on this earth.

Some days--some weeks--leave me in quiet awe. This has been one of those weeks, and I am so grateful.

819. Daughter who finds passion in setting others free

820. Daughter's fearless evangelism that leads a young woman to the amazing love of Christ

821. Husband who takes daughter to Austin to learn the political process, the leading and growing of a godly nation

822. A job that allows Wonder Man to be involved in out of town activities with the children

823. Time with the Wonder Boy, game playing, art doing, movie watching...heart learning

824. Too quiet rooms filled with children returned home

825. Ice cream for upset tummies

826. Hot chocolate for sore throats

827. Long drives and deep talks

828. Couches with recliners on each end where mending bodies can rest and recoop

829. Curling up close and just being

839. Cake recipes, rich in chocolate

840. Husbands who diagnose broken computer batteries

841. Warranties

842. Plungers when necessary

843. Washing machines that work even at midnight

844. New socks for Wonder Boy

845. Rain...so needed...so appreciated

846. Youth leaders that bless, encourage, and nurture tender hearts

847. Friends who believe I can do things that feel bigger than I ever dreamed of being

848. Long talks with friends, planning and dreaming

849. Conferences in the making, hearts valued and precious

850. Beloved Ann, believing in grace, rejoicing in freedom

My temp is up, my face is pale, and my stomach is aggitated. The virus my daughter hosted last night has come to visit me today. I am annoyed and, at various times throughout the day, on the verge of tears.

I hate being sick. First of all, I feel like a failure. If I were truly a woman of faith, I'd have authority over this illness, and it would be banished before Anna's temp ever went over 99 degrees. If I were a real woman, I wouldn't let this annoying thing keep me supine on the couch. I'd just push through, get stuff done, and laugh in victory.

However, my temp is over 99, and the bug is still here, and frankly, if I don't lie supine on the couch, my face goes from pale to green.

Second, I had plans. The children and I were going to clear the part of the yard where we are putting in a flowerbed. We soaked the water last night so the roots would be easy to pull up. The ground is ready. Then tonight, I was finally going to have another tennis lesson. I haven't had one in a month because of a variety of things, and I was so excited...then I had to cancel.

Then, in the midst of my near-tears pity party, a prayer I've prayed many times came back to mind.

"Lord, I don't ever want to be your spoiled child who is ungrateful for what you give just because I didn't get exactly what I want."

I'm upset because I didn't get to prepare the ground for the flowerbeds. There are people who never get to see a flower either because their physical eyes are damaged or because their lives are barren. We can prepare the ground in a few days. Will others suddenly have the ability to see then? Will their lives suddenly be filled with color?

I whine about not hitting a tennis ball when there are people today who have no use of their hands, who cannot stand up, who struggle to remember the word "ball". Today I was able to work on laundry, help with schoolwork, and iron pants. Tomorrow will hands be regrown? Will legs grow strong? Will the mind become firm?

Oh, God...have mercy on my self-centered existence. Forgive me for focusing on the unimportant things that can be done later...or not done at all...and no one's world will be the better or worse. Thank you for reminding me that while I am blessed with many frills in life, there are those who would be so thankful for the "basics". And I am grateful, too.

Thank you, Lord.

802. My hands can hold a ball, type on the keyboard, hold my husband's hand, and wipe away my children's tears.

803. My body fights viruses on its own.

804. Our yard is green, even if it is mostly weeds right now.

805. For amazing children who bless me with peaceful naps when my body needs them

806. That you've never called me a failure.

807. Faith is a journey, and I am learning and growing as I go.

808. Grace covers me when I don't perform as well as I wish.

809. Austin, tennis coach extradinaire, who is the epitome of patience and grace

810. Coaches that are soft for my body.

811. Fred, our Lab-experiment, who wags his tale when I pat him, even when my patting him is for my comfort.

812. Rob was the hero of the day cooking dinner so I didn't have to smell it.

813. Dry toast. Oh, Lord, thank you SO much for dry toast.

814. Ice cream.

815. Cool wash cloths.

816. I can walk to the couch on my own power, and if I want to get up, I can do that, too.

817. Lord, I love automatic washing machines and dryers. Oh, I love having them in my house so I don't have to go to a laundromat.

818. Thank you for asnwering my prayers, especially ones that stretch me and cause me to get out of myself. You are so faithful, and I am undone.

Palm Sunday is an odd day for me. On one hand, I want to focus on Jesus. I want to meditate on the sacrifice of the perfect Lamb for me. I want to be in awe of the love that would give such an extravagant gift for one so undeserving.

However, my mind wanders. On Palm Sunday seven years ago, my dad went into the hospital...for the last time. He had been sick for some time. The last nine months had been very difficult. Multiple hospital stays, trips to the ER, and times of needing intense care spotted the calendar.

When I received the call from my mom that Dad was in the ER again and he was being admitted to the hospital, I went to be with them. I knew in my heart this was it. Our journey was done.

On Thursday of that week, my dad was released from the hospital. X-rays showed a mass, not pneumonia. A biopsy had been done, and we were waiting for the results.

We spent Easter with my parents. Dad sat in the sun, watched his small ground children hunt Lego blocks. In the wildness of the week, we never thought about eggs, so we improvised. He laughed a lot. I committed every moment to memory that I could. Treasures stored in the heart.

Late that afternoon, I took my children home. As much as I wanted to stay with Dad, I knew the little ones were tired and in need of rest.

In the late hours of Easter, Dad went home, too. As much as he wanted to stay with us, Jesus knew he was tired and in need of rest.

I suppose some might think my dad's passing on at Easter would diminish the day somehow, but on the contrary, it only makes it more special.

For me, Easter is not just about the salvation of my soul, although that is amazing beyond words. To me, Easter is about my dad breathing without struggling for air. It's about his being able to walk as far as he wants without chest pains, getting dizzy, or passing out.

Easter is about passing on the love of the Word my dad instilled in me to my children. Life continuing from generation to generation. It's morning coffee with the Dad of all time, sharing my heart, hearing His, and letting Him speak through me.

Easter is not just about what Jesus did 2000 years ago. It's about what He is doing now and what He wants to do.

It's life that changes sometimes in form, sometimes in place, but still goes on, and the hope that life can always be better here...and There.

And today I am filled with gratitude.

776. Jerry Dale Kelley--December 13, 1940 - April 21, 2003



777b. Top hats :-)

777. An empty tomb

778. Love that stayed on a cross

779. Doctors who do the best they can

780. Mercy

781. Breathing without pain

782. No oxygen tanks are needed in Heaven

783. Amazing medical staff

784. Lego "eggs"

785. Sunshine

786. Hope

787. Precious memories

788. Stories that still bring laughter

789. Provision beyond my ability to fathom

790. Laughter

791. Pictures and video

792. Life--here and There

793. Death--that makes me realize the power and blessing of life

794. Being able to tell people God is faithful, even when their hearts are broken

795. The Bible--The Greatest Love Story Ever Told

796. HUGE Easter Egg hunts at church

797. Matching dresses my mom made

798. Plastic eggs with a quarter in them

799. Dozens of boiled eggs dipped and colored turning from white orbs to rainbows

800. My grandma who didn't fuss about the Easter egg coloring mess

801. The reality of the resurrection in my life and my heart.

Yes, I stop and think about this week, what was done for me...what has been done IN me...the life given on a cross 2000 years ago so I can have life today and for eternity...and I am in awe...

Last week was a frenzy, but I thought I handled it well. Today makes last week look like a walk in the park. To say it's been crazy would be an understatement, and I refuse to go crazy, so I'm going to be thankful.

Thank you, Father, for:

751. Whispering the importance of being still

752. Sunshine to warm me through and through

753. Amazing children who are rolling with the demands of today

754. Two empty CDs

755. Wilson's driving here to pick up the filled CDs

756. Melissa--O! Lord, such a woman of grace to cover me...

757. Grace, grace, and more grace

758. A husband who keeps telling me I'm normal, this is normal, and it is okay

759. Take out...sigh...

760. Women of grace who bless me even when I say, "I can't..."

761. Deliverance from needing to always say yes...even when it is impossible, punishes my family, and isn't a work of excellence for you

762. Leftover birthday cake

763. Just enough milk...

764. That some folks know when, "I can't talk right now," is honest, and it isn't about them.

765. Another chance.

766. Promotion

767. Hoodies

768. Ephesians 3:20

769. That right now, you are doing more than I can dream or imagine

770. My children's laughter

771. Prayers of friends

772. Snuggle time in the big bed that calms my soul and reminds me of Your heart

773. Birds singing

774. Giving thanks in everything

775. The calm that has come from simply making this list.

Lord, you are so good to me. You are faithful beyond words, and you are my escape, my very breath. I love you!

Today Ann Voskamp again delivered deep Truth and solid food. "When I affirm all the good of God in my life, I am the one affirmed."

Because I'm an affirmation junkie...

Thank you, Lord God, for:

704. Anthony Evans music...worshipful...keeping me at Your feet
705. Hotdogs on plain white bread
706. Waking up to the sound of rain
707. Tears of healing
708. Friends to help process
709. Finished first submissions
710. Towels to soak spilled water on carpet
711. Questions
712. Answers that lead me deeper into You
713. Answers that do not change who I am in You
714. Ann Voskamp with words of Truth that find me in my hiding place
715. Friends, decades old, seeing the new things God is doing
719. Journals where thoughts become words...and sense is made
720. The luxury of voting for our government leaders
721. A warm bed
722. Hair clips
723. Breath
724. Dry socks
725. Clean water
726. Lunch with wonderful children
727. Cheers and shouts of joy when Lego magazines arrive after much delay
728. Wonderful critique buddies for sharpening writing skills and encouraging me on
729. Time in Your presence
730. Being consumed

I visted Ann over at A Holy Experience today, and as usual, the Lord used what she wrote to emphasis what He has been speaking to me. I commented on her post, and I decided to share it here as well.

This morning the Lord gave me an odd phrase--"the Absurdity of Spirituality". It seemed a bit paradoxical coming from One we are called to worship in spirit and truth, and, yet, in it is truth.

I was raised in a home where anything that was not practical or overtly spiritual was condemned. To do something for sheer enjoyment was fleshly and sinful. If it served no obvious purpose, it obviously served no purpose.

How much truth do I miss in my quest to be oh, so spiritual? I don't have to open a coffee shop for folks to congregate when I can simply hand them a cup of coffee in my kitchen and congregate with them. I forget the simple things--bread, water, acceptance, a room, a hug. Yes, Jesus fed thousands at a time, but the changed lives we read about happened one at a time. One woman at a well. One man in a cemetary. One desperate mom begging for her daughter's healing. One dad with one son who needed deliverance. One woman who had one thought: If I can touch the hem of His garment.

If I touch one person each day, in a year, that will be 365 times Jesus touches someone through me...just being me, doing what I do. And that is the truth.

Copyright Jerri Phillips 2009

Ann Voskamp at A Holy Experience has started a Gratitude Community. It started with her desire to recognize 1000 Gifts the Lord has given her. Other jumped in and chose to become consciously aware of the gifts they have been given as well. I am choosing to join as well.

In truth, I think I recognize the "small" things the Lord gives me, but becoming more aware and choosing to seek Him in the small things of everyday life can only bring good things to my heart and family. Also, I want to help all of you focus on the 1000 Gifts He's given you.

That is not to suggest you are not thankful. I am, however, aware that some days and some seasons can make it hard to see the good stuff hiding under the demands and weights of life. The irony is, the good stuff isn't hiding at all. We just have to choose to see it and receive it. Prayerfully, in my list, you can see some of your own as well.

Join the community if you want, and if you don't, it's okay. Just don't miss the chance to enjoy your 1000 Gifts.

1. My laptop--it's in my lap, so I thought of it first. :-)
2. The opportunity to have quiet time on my deck without armies marching by or bombs going off.
3. Sweats that keep the chill out on fabelous fall mornings in Texas.
4. My washing machine that I can toss my sweatshirt into so I can get the chocolate frosting off that found its way from the bowl and spoon to the edge of my sleeve.
5. Fall in Texas.
6. My friend Debra, who may show up a lot in here, for giving directions to A Holy Experience.
7. A Bible in my language.
8. Journals that document my journey.
9. The ability to read and write.
10. Joy Davidson, my class called her Daisy because she was as wondrous as one, who taught me to type.
11. A comfortable chair.
12. Fuzzy slippers.
13. Warm blankets.
14. Our sunroom that allows light in while keeping heat/cold in.
15. A kitchen where a knob allows me to cook instead of my needing to build or stoke a fire.
16. The luxury of being a stay at home mom.
17. Coffee.
18. Microwave.
19. Understanding of how to make my sinuses drain.
20. Programs that make editing my posts easy.