Showing posts with label freedom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label freedom. Show all posts
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Becoming Naked
I make myself small, try to blend in, become one of the shadows. I am drowning in loneliness and hoping to be found…afraid to be found. Knowing too well what people will truly find.
Being naked is hard.
It is easier to hide.
In hiding, I can pick and choose what is seen. Camouflage the unbeautiful spots.
The ugliness of my stretch marks made when my skin grew thin from conceiving and growing life don’t show. I can point to the fruit, and no one sees the pain or the imperfections exposed during the process of life bringing.
A well placed cover hides where my skin does not fit me well. The too tight places where I over extend and perform perfectly take the focus from the sagging parts where I don’t fit into my skin quite right.
Scrapes, bruises, and wounds fade into shadows of the appearance of light and depth.
Perhaps in the hiding, glimpses of truth come forth, but if I keep moving, they quickly return to the shadows and anyone who has seen is unsure of exactly what they saw.
Yes, being naked is hard.
It is easier to hide.
But I hear Him--calling me, seeking me, desiring me.
I stand statue still. What if He sees me? But He has seen me.
Yesterday.
Before I saw me.
Before I knew my imperfections, my ugly spots. Before I became ashamed of what there is to see.
Yesterday, He saw everything, and He did not turn away. He did not snicker. He did not offer suggestions to make that trouble area better. He simply walked with me, spoke with me, shared His heart and let me share mine…
Yesterday. When I was naked.
And unashamed.
Because I did not know what I had to be ashamed of, only that He enjoyed me…that He wanted me.
Yesterday He walked with me, openly. Today I am hiding…But He calls…
I answer. “I am ashamed.”
He replies. “I never told you to be.”
I swallow hard. My heart races. Do I have the courage to be found?
I step from the camouflage where I have tried to be lost, where I have tried to blend in and not be seen.
He is waiting.
I am naked. More naked than I’ve ever been.
His love is unchanged. He has seen me naked all along, and He covers me.
Genesis 2:25, “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”
Being naked is hard.
It is easier to hide.
In hiding, I can pick and choose what is seen. Camouflage the unbeautiful spots.
The ugliness of my stretch marks made when my skin grew thin from conceiving and growing life don’t show. I can point to the fruit, and no one sees the pain or the imperfections exposed during the process of life bringing.
A well placed cover hides where my skin does not fit me well. The too tight places where I over extend and perform perfectly take the focus from the sagging parts where I don’t fit into my skin quite right.
Scrapes, bruises, and wounds fade into shadows of the appearance of light and depth.
Perhaps in the hiding, glimpses of truth come forth, but if I keep moving, they quickly return to the shadows and anyone who has seen is unsure of exactly what they saw.
Yes, being naked is hard.
It is easier to hide.
But I hear Him--calling me, seeking me, desiring me.
I stand statue still. What if He sees me? But He has seen me.
Yesterday.
Before I saw me.
Before I knew my imperfections, my ugly spots. Before I became ashamed of what there is to see.
Yesterday, He saw everything, and He did not turn away. He did not snicker. He did not offer suggestions to make that trouble area better. He simply walked with me, spoke with me, shared His heart and let me share mine…
Yesterday. When I was naked.
And unashamed.
Because I did not know what I had to be ashamed of, only that He enjoyed me…that He wanted me.
Yesterday He walked with me, openly. Today I am hiding…But He calls…
I answer. “I am ashamed.”
He replies. “I never told you to be.”
I swallow hard. My heart races. Do I have the courage to be found?
I step from the camouflage where I have tried to be lost, where I have tried to blend in and not be seen.
He is waiting.
I am naked. More naked than I’ve ever been.
His love is unchanged. He has seen me naked all along, and He covers me.
Genesis 2:25, “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”
Labels:
accepted,
courage,
faith,
forgiveness,
freedom,
God's love,
hope,
peace,
perfectionism,
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Thursday, April 15, 2010
In a Single Bound
I feel like I took a flying leap off the side of a mountain, and if it were not for trusting God so much, I think I would throw up.
Actually, jumping off mountains solo isn't such a big deal anymore. I've become pretty accustomed to that. It's jumping tandem that leaves me reeling, especially when the one tethered to me is my daughter...especially when she is standing on the precipice ready to go over the edge and God says, "I made her to fly. Let her go."
She looks at me questioning. I nod.
Off she goes.
I am right with her, as though a mother's heart could be anywhere else.
And now we are flying in what feels like a free fall, out of control.
Out of my control.
My last illusion of control went flying over the edge with us, and right now, I'm not enjoying the flight. Right now, I hate this. Right now, one thought goes through my mind: "God, what have I done?"
I know the answer. What I have done is release my daughter from my safety zone to God's infinite possibilities. What I have done is declare that I believe His thoughts are higher than my thoughts and His ways are above my ways...and He can do amazing things...through my adolescent daughter...HIS daughter.
I keep tripping over that.
HIS daughter. His creation. His solution to a world in need. His answer to girls caught in a life of slavery and hopelessness. His chosen one.
Right now, though, my mother's heart is struggling. Right now it is concerned about my life, my comfort zone, my life status quo, my family...my own personal Rockwellian view of family life.
But Norman Rockwell was an illusionist. He had a gift for making life's tough spots look poetic, but life isn't poetry, not the kind with perfect metre and comforting rhymes. Life is messy. Healing is done with tears, not smiles. Families in perfect clothes at the perfect table for the perfect holiday spill things...drinks, soups, and souls.
It's in the mess and the spills that the connections occur. A touch of the hand when wiping up the tea. Arms wrapped round to dry the tears. Hearts laid bare as souls are tended.
It is into this mess that my daughter chooses to walk, into the world of young girls captured into a hellish nightmare of human slavery, children sold to grown men to fulfill a wife's place. She, too, is captured...by the hope of freedom for every child who feels hopeless. She is determined to be their hope. She is determined to be the light in their darkness and to find them in their prisons and set them free.
She can do it. Maybe not alone, but people have good hearts. They just need someone to tell them about these children and give them the chance to help. And she will.
What exactly that means for my personalized Rockwell picture, I don't know, but while my mother's heart is screaming, "What have I done?", my faith answers, "I've given her the freedom she wants to give these children...the freedom to be an answer, to be a blessing, to live big, to serve God in whatever way He leads. I've given her the freedom to fly."
To find out more about how you can help set children free from the nightmare of human trafficking and sex slave trade, please visit AMPED Red Light Rescue, Sowers of the Seed Inernational, or contact me personally. Thank you.
Actually, jumping off mountains solo isn't such a big deal anymore. I've become pretty accustomed to that. It's jumping tandem that leaves me reeling, especially when the one tethered to me is my daughter...especially when she is standing on the precipice ready to go over the edge and God says, "I made her to fly. Let her go."
She looks at me questioning. I nod.
Off she goes.
I am right with her, as though a mother's heart could be anywhere else.
And now we are flying in what feels like a free fall, out of control.
Out of my control.
My last illusion of control went flying over the edge with us, and right now, I'm not enjoying the flight. Right now, I hate this. Right now, one thought goes through my mind: "God, what have I done?"
I know the answer. What I have done is release my daughter from my safety zone to God's infinite possibilities. What I have done is declare that I believe His thoughts are higher than my thoughts and His ways are above my ways...and He can do amazing things...through my adolescent daughter...HIS daughter.
I keep tripping over that.
HIS daughter. His creation. His solution to a world in need. His answer to girls caught in a life of slavery and hopelessness. His chosen one.
Right now, though, my mother's heart is struggling. Right now it is concerned about my life, my comfort zone, my life status quo, my family...my own personal Rockwellian view of family life.
But Norman Rockwell was an illusionist. He had a gift for making life's tough spots look poetic, but life isn't poetry, not the kind with perfect metre and comforting rhymes. Life is messy. Healing is done with tears, not smiles. Families in perfect clothes at the perfect table for the perfect holiday spill things...drinks, soups, and souls.
It's in the mess and the spills that the connections occur. A touch of the hand when wiping up the tea. Arms wrapped round to dry the tears. Hearts laid bare as souls are tended.
It is into this mess that my daughter chooses to walk, into the world of young girls captured into a hellish nightmare of human slavery, children sold to grown men to fulfill a wife's place. She, too, is captured...by the hope of freedom for every child who feels hopeless. She is determined to be their hope. She is determined to be the light in their darkness and to find them in their prisons and set them free.
She can do it. Maybe not alone, but people have good hearts. They just need someone to tell them about these children and give them the chance to help. And she will.
What exactly that means for my personalized Rockwell picture, I don't know, but while my mother's heart is screaming, "What have I done?", my faith answers, "I've given her the freedom she wants to give these children...the freedom to be an answer, to be a blessing, to live big, to serve God in whatever way He leads. I've given her the freedom to fly."
To find out more about how you can help set children free from the nightmare of human trafficking and sex slave trade, please visit AMPED Red Light Rescue, Sowers of the Seed Inernational, or contact me personally. Thank you.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Learning the Greatest Adventure
A season of learning begins. New books. New packages of empty paper filled with possibility.
I find a quiet place and seek wisdom, guidance, a word for the year, something beyond my wisdom or my finite thoughts of importance. I seek His heart because He knows what lies ahead and what understanding, knowlegde, and soul tools we'll need for the trip. He takes my heart and leads me to Psalm 25, a Psalm of hope. Verses 14 and 15 magnify in my spirit.
14 The LORD confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
15 My eyes are ever on the LORD,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.
I take the soul food to our morning gathering. The breakfast table is ready for feeding, bodies and souls.
Cereal feeds the body. Conversation feeds the bonds of family. Plans for the day. Changes in educational method according to changes in age and ability. A new year holding new things, but some things do not change.
The beginning is always with Him.
Cereal bowls are pushed aside, and the Bible is laid open.
I read the whole chapter of hope and then speak again the verses magnified in my heart. "These are the promises of the Lord for our year. The confiding our His heart, the revelation of His covenant, the revealing of Himself as we look to Him, and freedom from snares. This is what the Lord desires to do in us this year."
Children's hearts do not comprehend the extravagance of such a gift. I do...and I pray to comprehend more, to reach beyond my finite knowledge to the infinite grace that desires to reveal itself. Beyond my wildest dreams and greatest imagination...
The adventure of eternity...
I begin to ask questions, offer possibilities, dream for myself...for the children before me...for the descendants to come...
What greater thing is there to know than the heart of God? What greater freedom can be found than that of His covenant? Freedom to be oneself in His authentic plan. Freedom to fly like eagles. Freedom to rejoice in all He is and all we are in Him.
What snares hold us captive? How does He wish to set us free? How do we walk in the freedom He gives? In what idols do we place our hope for freedom? Lord, show us. Deliver us...from the idols...from ourselves.
We ponder. Our heads dip with the weight of snares. Our eyes sparkle with the thought of freedom. Smiles grow as possibilities become hopes...
The adventure of this learning has begun...
Copyright Jerri Phillips 2009
I find a quiet place and seek wisdom, guidance, a word for the year, something beyond my wisdom or my finite thoughts of importance. I seek His heart because He knows what lies ahead and what understanding, knowlegde, and soul tools we'll need for the trip. He takes my heart and leads me to Psalm 25, a Psalm of hope. Verses 14 and 15 magnify in my spirit.
14 The LORD confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
15 My eyes are ever on the LORD,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.
I take the soul food to our morning gathering. The breakfast table is ready for feeding, bodies and souls.
Cereal feeds the body. Conversation feeds the bonds of family. Plans for the day. Changes in educational method according to changes in age and ability. A new year holding new things, but some things do not change.
The beginning is always with Him.
Cereal bowls are pushed aside, and the Bible is laid open.
I read the whole chapter of hope and then speak again the verses magnified in my heart. "These are the promises of the Lord for our year. The confiding our His heart, the revelation of His covenant, the revealing of Himself as we look to Him, and freedom from snares. This is what the Lord desires to do in us this year."
Children's hearts do not comprehend the extravagance of such a gift. I do...and I pray to comprehend more, to reach beyond my finite knowledge to the infinite grace that desires to reveal itself. Beyond my wildest dreams and greatest imagination...
The adventure of eternity...
I begin to ask questions, offer possibilities, dream for myself...for the children before me...for the descendants to come...
What greater thing is there to know than the heart of God? What greater freedom can be found than that of His covenant? Freedom to be oneself in His authentic plan. Freedom to fly like eagles. Freedom to rejoice in all He is and all we are in Him.
What snares hold us captive? How does He wish to set us free? How do we walk in the freedom He gives? In what idols do we place our hope for freedom? Lord, show us. Deliver us...from the idols...from ourselves.
We ponder. Our heads dip with the weight of snares. Our eyes sparkle with the thought of freedom. Smiles grow as possibilities become hopes...
The adventure of this learning has begun...
Copyright Jerri Phillips 2009
Thursday, July 31, 2008
A Post Perfectly from God
My focus lately with my posts is the power of the Word of God. It can calm any sea, open any sea for that matter, create a universe, tear down kingdoms and prisons, and bring freedom and peace.
Shonda emailed me privately and left a comment about the power of the Word in her life. I suggested she write something up and let me post it (all credit going to her, or course). She then wrote a wonderful article on her blog about being set free from perfectionism through the Word.
I am slow in getting the link here, but if you have ANY prison or shackle that you are wanting freedom from, you need to read this. The verses may be different, but the principle is the same. Even if there is nothing you are struggling with right now, you need to read this. It is that good, and it is good reference for others you know who might be struggling.
Oh, and while you are at Shonda's, you'll also want to read "Rose Colored Glasses" and "From Wild to Privileged"...and lots of other stuff for that matter.
So visit Shonda. Get blessed. Listen to God. Get free.
Shonda emailed me privately and left a comment about the power of the Word in her life. I suggested she write something up and let me post it (all credit going to her, or course). She then wrote a wonderful article on her blog about being set free from perfectionism through the Word.
I am slow in getting the link here, but if you have ANY prison or shackle that you are wanting freedom from, you need to read this. The verses may be different, but the principle is the same. Even if there is nothing you are struggling with right now, you need to read this. It is that good, and it is good reference for others you know who might be struggling.
Oh, and while you are at Shonda's, you'll also want to read "Rose Colored Glasses" and "From Wild to Privileged"...and lots of other stuff for that matter.
So visit Shonda. Get blessed. Listen to God. Get free.
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