Sunday, May 25, 2008

Me...at this time of the morning today

at 6:00 am after going to bed at midnight after working all day either touching up paint, putting down base boards, caulking the baseboards, helping put down laminate, baking cookies for Anna's Children's Church teacher, taking pictures at a graduation, and picking up felt to sit the furniture on. I put in that information because when I am fully awake and not tired I may have different answers, but right now...

Wendy tagged me with this a while back, but the house had to be addressed first. The storm woke me up, and this is how I am using my time. :-)

So at this moment, under these circumstances, this is me.

I am.....ready to hide out with God for hours and hours, maybe even days and be renewed.
I want..... to quit being annoyed by people who are being used by the enemy to aggravate me. I want to simply hand them back to God and move on without dwelling on them.
I have..... an amazing family. My husband is all-around wonderful, and my children are amazing.
I wish..... I don't believe in wishing, but I pray for my children to never have hard hearts, to seek God all the days of their lives, and to be completely enamored and sold out to the greatest Lover of all time. I also pray that for Rob and myself. My prayer right now for me is, "Give me the wisdom to get out of the way so you can be as big as you want to be and never be held back because my dreams and imaginings are not as big as you are."
I hate..... when I have whimpy faith or none at all.
I miss..... I can't think of anything. To miss something implies it is over and gone. At first, I thought about having coffee with my dad on cool mornings sitting on the front steps of their home looking out across the creek bottom, but in the last six months or so, I've quit missing that and started looking forward to see him again when he isn't sick, his heart isn't heavy, and his spirit isn't broken. I'm looking forward to seeing him whole. We are going to have so much fun.
I fear..... God being limited by my faith.
I feel..... sleepy right now, ready to be done with the remodel, a bit overwhelmed at what is still to do, thankful we can do it, ready to have time with my husband and children, excited about what the Lord is bringing to life.
I hear..... Fred sighing, cars outside.
I smell..... nothing. The dust has me horribly clogged.
I crave..... huh...can't think of anything right now.
I search..... for the bigger picture from God's perspective and His wisdom on how I fit into it and what I am to do along with wisdom to teach my children, be a great wife, and write what will heal people's hearts.
I wonder.....too big of a question at this time of the morning and my level of sleep.
I regret..... well, I regret a lot of my adolescence. Mostly, I regret believing what others told me about my limitations, failings, and lack of value and impact.
I love..... rain, snuggling my son, being spoons with my husband, listening to my daughter sing, sunrises on the beach, and laughter.
I ache..... because crawling around caulking baseboard is hard on the knees and back and my hand is tired of hammering. I didn't know my hands could ache this much for this long. What happened to conditioning of muscles?!
I care..... I really do simply care.
I always..... feel better when I've been in God's presence.
I am not..... sure I'm going to make it through this. I'm sinking fast.
I believe..... God is bigger than we realize or have the courage to acknowledge, and I believe we minimize Him out of our own desire to preserve our comfort zones and lives. If we truly believed He could move a mountain, raise a dead person, or fulfill His promises to us, we could not live as though our lives were our own and mediocrity actually worked.
I dance..... in the rain with my children, to country music and swing music with my husband, and just because I love it.
I sing..... that's as simply truthful as it gets. I sing.
I cry..... when we watch It's a Wonderful Life, when I am overwhelmed with joy or grief, when my heart hurts, when I realize how much more God wants to do than I've allowed.
I don't always..... think about the impact small actions and words have--both positive and negative.
I fight..... mediocrity and small-mindedness.
I write.....for the same reason I breathe. If I didn't, I would die.--Isaac Asmiov
I never..... have been tempted to suck a boiled crawdad's head.
I listen..... to different kinds of music. In my easy care CD case, I have classical, hymns, country, blues, and Coolio's "Gangta's Paradise".
I need..... God. Desperately. Probably more than I realize.
I am happy..... To me, to be able to simply say that much is huge. After battling depression, the lies of having no value or purpose, and feeling like I was an utter failure with no hope of being anything else, to have the joy of saying, "I am happy," means I embrace God's purpose and definition of me. He alone gets to say who I am and why I'm here, and He says I am invaluable because I was made with precision for a specific person. To know God loves me, enjoys me, and always stands for and with me is the happiest thing of all.

There you go. Those are the "dark-thirty" answers on this given day under these given circumstances (being sleep deprivation, mental fatigue, and questionable state of consciousness). If you get a chance, play. Leave a comment and let us know you are playing because we want to find out about you. More than that, though, if you really think about these things, YOU might find out something new about you, and who knows where God will take you in your new knowledge.

7 comments:

Robin said...

Neat post! I like your answers even if you did them with little sleep they sound well-thought out :)

Marina said...

You have such a great blog and write so well.
and I love your awards!!!marina

Linda said...

You may have been tired, but it's a list of triumph!

Carol - CDCversion said...

I came over from Robin's blog. I just wanted to say how much I loved your answers...I could feel your spirit...you are such a woman of God, it just oozes out of this post. Robin has the most interesting bloggers in her life! I feel like I am on a true spiritual journey as I read the various writings of her blogging friends. I thank God for people like her and you, making a difference in your worlds by your blogs!

Robin said...

Carol,

I just want to say you are one of those people that I'm honored to have "met" through the world of blogging and HOPE to meet here on earth - if not am looking forward to the grand reunion in heaven. It will be so neat to meet everyone - most of all JESUS!!!!

Robin said...

Carol,

I just want to say you are one of those people that I'm honored to have "met" through the world of blogging and HOPE to meet here on earth - if not am looking forward to the grand reunion in heaven. It will be so neat to meet everyone - most of all JESUS!!!!

Jerri Phillips said...

Marina,
Thank you for dropping by and thank you for your compliments. The timing is really neat as the Lord and I have been having conversations about my writing. I'll try to blog on it a bit more later today.

Hope to see you back again soon!

Carol,
Thank you for coming by and commenting. I like to roam around Robin's blogger buddies' worlds, too. She is a great connection point for bringing together some really neat people, and I am so blessed by her and her BFs.

Also, thank you for your kind words. Truly, such a blessing...more than I can convey...

Linda,
It is always a joy to see you, and I appreciate your comments.

Love your hair, BTW. I'm a bit jealous. Having the natural curl prevents me from having cuts like that. ON the upside, I never have to wax it either. :-)

Robin, your a gem...as always.

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