Jerri.
Derivative of Jeremiah. Translated to mean "Mighty warrior" or "Exalted one of God".
This is not my name. It is who I am. It did not change when I made horrendous decisions in high school. It did not change when my dad died and our relationship was left fractured. It did not change three weeks ago when my husband moved out.
I am still Jerri.
I am still the same compassionate person with the same calling on my life. I still like the same decadent desserts, enjoy the same music, and laugh at the same goofy stuff. I still hurt when my friends hurt and rejoice when they rejoice. I still hate doing lesson plans but love the light bulb moment. The beach still speaks to me like nothing else in the world, and I still find myself having mental conversations...aloud. And my hair is as red as it's ever been.
I am still a warrior. I fought for my marriage for nineteen years. I put everything I had into it. As a friend of my says, "not one tactic was left in the tool box". That is how I live. That is who I am. Circumstances and choices made by others do not diminish or change that.
If I had to do it again, I hope I would fight with the same ferocity and hope that I did then, not because it's easy or because there are guarantees, but because it is worth it, and it is what you do. It is what I do. It is who I am.
I still have the same gifts, same dreams, and same passions. I still don't like to cook, and my house still isn't spotless. BUT, I still love the laugh of my children, and snuggling up with them is one of the best places in the world ever.
My faith is still in a perfect God whose power is greater than I can fathom. His promises for me are still yes and amen. He has taken me from the muck and mire, put me on a high place, and given me open spaces. My gifts and anointings are from Him, and they are without repentance.
I am an amazing person and woman, not because of my dress size, the state of my marriage, or the cleanliness of my house but because my God says so.
Only God has the right to define me, and since He hasn't changed, neither have I.
This is who I have always been, and that has not changed.
The only thing that has ever wavered is my choice to live in the truth of who I am. Sometimes I have chosen to think and act in a way effected by people or circumstance, but that was a choice, not an identity. Even a princess can act like a pauper if she chooses.
However, this time, I don't choose to.
This time I choose to live the princess. I choose to be the warrior. I choose to be the redhead with attitude, purpose, and vision.
I also choose to be real, to be vulnerable, to be uncomfortably honest, to be an example for others walking this road. I choose to live my life publicly and feel my feelings honestly so others can be free to be honest, too. I choose to be the light even while the enemy wants me to hide in the darkness.
I choose to believe in healing, redemption, and restoration...to embrace them...and be a conduit for them...
I choose to be nothing less that who I am.
I choose to be...
Jerri
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4 comments:
Amen, sister!
From me, too!
AMEN!!
I choose to stand with you and alongside you. And I choose to endeavour to BE Carmel, the vineyard of God.
I have recently gone through a painful separation and ugly divorce and found comfort on your blog. Jesus, alone has gotten me through. I too am trying to live up to my name, which means strength.
Carrie
http://praythroughanything.blogspot.com
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