Jerri Phillips

For the last six weeks or so I've been under a cloud. Actually, it's been more than a cloud. It's been a pretty steady downpour of criticism and rejection from lots of ample sized clouds that seem to never move off my radar.

I shared some of the frustrations of my homeschool loop, but that isn't all. I've struggled with some prolific criticism of my writing from a one particular person, and there have been a few potshots that have left me with some flesh wounds. :-)

I have chosen not to say anything because really, there is nothing to say. There is nothing anyone could say to make me feel better. It isn't about those people, and I know that. In a recent post to said homeschool group, I stated that others only affect us where we have a wound or something in need of healing.

I've written about healing before, and I believe it is God's desire to heal all sickness, whether that be physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual. If that is true, then I have to wonder why healing doesn't happen. One answer I have found to be true is that we sometimes do not receive the healing offered us.

I have not received the healing offered me, and thus, I have spent weeks sick at heart.

One of my recent posts asked the difference between judging and opinions and whose opinion gets to be right? A lot of people seem to have the opinion that I talk just to hear my head rattle. They feel I have nothing of importance to say, and they believe I simply talk so I can have the last word. Some feel I am too verbose, too descriptive, and too flowery in my writing. Simply put, those folks do not think too highly of me, and they don't seem to think I have much-if anything-to contribute. That is their opinion.

Their opinions hurt.

There. I said it. I don't like criticism. I don't like conflict. I don't like being told I'm unimportant and have no value. I don't like hearing people tell me that my gifts aren't treasured or worthy of value.

However, those people are entitled to their opinions, and their opinions of me aren't very high.

On the other hand, I know so many of you, not just on this blog but through personal emails and friendships, and you have your opinions, too. You've shared them through birthday cards, sympathy cards, emails, your own blog entries, and phone calls. Your opinion is that my writing makes sense, shares Truth, and impacts people. Your opinion is my gifts are treasures with great value to make a difference. You have extremely high opinions of me.

So if their low opinions hurt so much, why don't your high opinions heal so much?

Because sometimes I don't have the sense to embrace the healing held out to me. Sometimes I don't have the sense to recognize the most valuable opinions come from the people who are most valuable to me--the ones who hold my heart tenderly and speak Truth with kindness in their eyes even when I don't want to hear it, the ones that laugh with me, cry with me, listen to stories about my children and ooh and aah at the right times. The valuable people are the ones I can be real with, and they find it endearing.

So, my beloved ones, I am so sorry I did not receive the healing you've held out so faithfully. I have thankfully come to my senses. Granted, it's still raining, and there will always be a cloud around, but I think back to splashing through the puddles rather than sitting in them.

Thank you for being the opinionated bunch you are. I think you are wonderful. Granted, it's only my opinion, but I'm convinced I'm right.

This morning I’ve considered my post on opinion and judgment, and while I stand by it, I made a statement that I think needs clarification.

I said when others’ opinions turn to personal offense on my part, it is often because I have a hurt that needs a touch by the Lord. I do not think that hurt has to be some deep wound from childhood or any other time in life. Sometimes the hurt is simply from the day. It could have been that my husband hurt my feelings or my children decided they did not need to be respectful and honoring. It could be something as inane as a cashier’s attitude at the store that spilled over onto me.

My response to others typically is far more about the other people and situations or events in my life than it is the actual person. I’ll explain what I mean.

Email has no tone. They are simple words. There is no intonation, no body language. How I translate emails and electronic posts is based on my personal mental and emotional filters. I have been at a point where I took everything as rejection and criticism. Thankfully, I’m not there anymore. However, I still go through time spans in which I do, and it really has nothing to do with the post or email. I know this because I have taken some folks jokes (with smiles attached) and turned them into barbs that were most assuredly aimed at me. In my lucid moments, I know those people’s hearts. I know they are not vindictive, and I know their comments weren’t aimed at any person in particular. However, my emotional and mental state is not always lucid, and it isn’t about the person or even their comment. It really has to do with what I am dealing with personally. If I’ve had a rough day with my writing critique group, I’m more likely to take things as rejection. If I’ve had a day where folks let me in the lane of traffic I needed or people at the store were nice, I’m more likely to have grace.

On bad days, I do need a healing touch from the Lord. I need to be alone with Him for Him to speak truth and love or correction so I can repent and make peace. I need to just be still, resettle, and get perspective. I also need to leave all emails and posts that evoke negative reaction until later. I have NEVER regretted not responding with anger or sarcasm.

On the flip side of this is the reality that sometimes folks react to my emails or posts with claws out and teeth bared, and it isn’t about me. Sometimes they’ve had a bad day. Sometimes their husbands hurt their feelings or their children didn’t honor them. Sometimes they have bad cashiers, too. While my first reaction may be (and too often is) to jump back at them, I have found if I take time to pray about it, the Lord will soften my heart and remind me to see their heart, not their actions. Maybe I don’t have any prophetic insight into their lives, but I have grace to respond with a heart of reconciliation and restoration. I have seen many people do this very thing, and when they do, they are the touch from God that offers healing. And that is a tone that translates well no matter what the day has been like.

Blessings!!!

I am part of a homeschool email loop, and I find it pathetic at how often folks who share their opinions are accused of judging. It is prevalent in society, I know, but really, do we truly not have the right to dislike something without being called judgmental?

Anyway, I wrote a post for the group. I figure it'll end up with a bunch of holes from the fire it draws for the simple reason my saying I pray for Hilary Clinton got me called an "ungodly Communist". If praying for my enemy makes me a Communist, I don't know what suggesting grace makes me.

At any rate, I am posting it here. I am not longer naive enough to think everyone will agree or that my writing will alter everyone's world and make them agree with me. However, hopefully, it will make folks think, and ultimately, it will lead them to seek God on a topic. Only good things can come when folks seek God because when they seek Him, they will find Him, and then, He can do amazing things.

Feel free to share your opinions.

My post:

Okay, so someone posts on here that she can't stand when people do not use proper grammar. Some folks agreed. Some said they didn't think it mattered. I thought it was a simple exchange of opinions. Then someone responds with a personal comment about critiquing others, which to me, implies that someone was judged.

This has happened a few times in different threads, and I find it frustrating and confusing how we go from opinion to "don't judge". Why is it that if I don't agree with someone it is judging? Why am I not entitled to my own opinion? And what makes their opinion right and mine wrong? Maybe, they are the one judging me?

The only thing I can think of is when people expect a higher level of moral, academic, or behavioral behavior than we exhibit or feel is necessary, we become defensive and deem them as judgmental because we feel they are rejecting us. I say "we" because I can react defensively when I feel others reject me as well.

However, I think when I respond that way, I am as guilty of judging as I assume the other person is. I judge that person to be proud and arrogant. I judge that person's heart to be one of rejection. Sometimes I am right, but sometimes the person is simply sharing their opinion.

Frankly, I've found that even when I am right, it usually isn't about the other person. Usually, if another person's opinion bothers me, it is about me. Typically, it means there is some hurt that needs the Lord's touch. Perhaps that is the line when opinion crosses into "judgment".

Don't misunderstand. I know there are times when judgment is a clearly stated rejection of a person or group of persons and/or their behaviors, but most of the time, it is simply folks who don't like other folks' opinions and take them as a personal offense. Most folks would agree that judging is ungodly, but is taking offense at another's opinion less so? Aren't both of the enemy? Both bring divsion. Both harden people's hearts toward other people. Both are in direct opposition to what Christ taught.

I dislike Abeka or Saxon. My dislike is intense. So, are you folks who use those judging me because I don't, or do you just have a different opinion? I tend to think you just have a different opinion. I think we could have coffee and let our children play and get along fine without either of us feeling rejected or judged. Maybe I'm too idealistic, but I think we could.

That makes me wonder why opinions, which are usually just harmless statements of thought, are twisted and called judging, and I'm wondering why it is so prevalent among Christians.

I've wondered this several times before, and this time, I decided to share my wonderings. You are obviously entitled to your opinion about them.